ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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