You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
