Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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