hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
