Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
