At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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