how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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