Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
