I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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