and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
