Im at strip club and am horny
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
