ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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