I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
