Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize