I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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