At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
