She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
