Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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