OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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