she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need a beard to bite.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
