They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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