So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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