after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize