I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
