I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
