We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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