If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
