Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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