I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
