I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
