Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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