garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
