just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
