I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
