I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
