Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
