I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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