This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
