Pappa wants mamma naked
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
