do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize