it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
