first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
