At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
