ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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