she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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