I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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