the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
