so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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