can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
