I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
