there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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