Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
