Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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