my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize