If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize