somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
