so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
