Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
