you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
