First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
