The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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