some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
