Plan B is the new Plan A
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize