found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
