she was so not down for the gang bang
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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