Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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