Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize