Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
