I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
