I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
