I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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