We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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