Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
